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​Are Your Emotions Influencing How You Communicate?

8/3/2017

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By Andrea Schramm, LPC

Our emotions are a natural, powerful information gathering system allowing us to quickly gather information about our own experiences and those of the people around us. Emotions are part of our communication system and influence our social connections with others. Emotions are also physical. We all know the word “feeling” associated with our emotional experiences.

So how do our emotions and our ability to understand and manage them connect us with others in both intimate and social relationships? How can we communicate successfully incorporating our emotions?

Emotions inform communication. “I feel good…I don’t like her…Yes, I’d love to have dinner tonight…Yuk, I hate sushi.” These are all examples of how emotions inform. Emotional experiences are often connected to our past experiences, our learning history. We experience emotions associated with events we have at some point had before which form our emotional response: “The first time I ate sushi, it was disgusting. It makes me ‘feel’ sick.” We can become programmed to respond emotionally to experiences we’ve had previously.

Here are some tips for communicating using emotionally informed behaviors:
  1. When communicating through emotions, use the phrase “I feel...” Using this statement helps inform you and the other person regarding your emotion and avoids an accusatory approach such as, “You make me feel...” Avoid using the word “you” unless paying a compliment such as “You make me happy,” or “I feel happy.”
  2. Practice awareness of your own emotions. Using “I feel” can support your own ability to label and manage emotions you experience. Learning to identify and be responsible for managing our own emotions supports healthy communication with others.
  3. Engage in some deep breathes to reduce and redirect negative emotions. Learning to reduce and redirect negative emotions can reduce stress.
  4. Make statements that communicate to the other person how your emotions inform you. “I feel if we spend too much on dinner this month, we won’t be able to pay the mortgage, when this happens, I feel angry.” This approach moves feelings and emotions forward and engages the problem-solving portion of our brain.
  5. Emotions inform and can create connections, problem-solving creates long-term intimacy through shared experiences. Figuring out together how to enjoy dinners out and pay the mortgage provides a shared experience that fosters intimacy and positive emotional experiences. Emotions alone won’t sustain a long-term relationship. Moving through emotions, using the information they provide to problem-solve builds intimacy.

​Remember, emotions inform. Take some time to acknowledge and think about your own emotions. Why do you think you feel as you do? What past experiences formed the emotional responses you have? Learning to understand emotional responses can build a stronger sense of self and teach us to use emotions to build positive relationships with each other. 

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Counseling Before Marriage? How Couples' Premarital Counseling Sets Up a Successful Marriage

4/27/2017

4 Comments

 
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By Caitlin Winkler, PLPC

What is premarital counseling?  You may ask, "If my future spouse and I are in love and ready to get married, why would we need counseling?"


I believe this is a common way of thinking among individuals and couples today.  Counseling is often viewed as a tool to help solve a current problem or struggle, but it is also something that can be used before an obvious issue arises.  

Think of it this way: if you are building a house, what is one of the most important steps?  Engineers and builders would argue laying the foundation is critical.  Why?  Because the foundation is what everything else is built upon.  Without a solid foundation, the house will be weak, it may fall, and it will not last long.  The same is true with marriage.  In our marriages, we often wait until we start to see the walls crumbling before we seek help.  

One preventative, proactive measure to take is premarital counseling.  Yes, you are excited about marriage and do not fear divorce.  But what happens when the storms of life start to blow and your strength is truly tested?  Premarital counseling helps to strengthen your foundation.  It involves thinking, planning, discussing, compromising, and preparing for a future life together, perhaps sharing about topics not even thought about before.  It is designed to be a tool that helps create solid, lasting marriages.

I am excited to offer premarital counseling at Unlimited Potential Counseling in the O'Fallon/Dardenne Prairie area.  Our world needs strong marriages to help build strong families.  This service is offered through a Christian perspective and integrates the importance of faith in the relationship. Please contact me and I will be happy to answer any questions you and your future spouse may have!

Caitlin Winkler is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor at Unlimited Potential Counseling & Education Center in O'Fallon. Caitlin is under the clinical supervision of Emily Kircher-Morris, LPC (MO #2012026754).

4 Comments

5 Tips to Build Your Relationship through Fitness

3/21/2017

85 Comments

 
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By Andrea Schramm, LPC, CRC

We’re all familiar with the physical and psychological benefits of exercise for ourselves. Exercise can support weight loss, improve your heart health, improve your sleep and reduce your risk of depression. The Mayo clinic recommends just 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity exercise, or 75 minutes per week of vigorous exercise. That’s a little over 20 minutes a day to reap the positive benefits of daily exercise! But, we all know just how difficult it can be to add just 20 minutes of something new to our busy lives.

But what if you took the time needed for physical activity and did it together with someone you love? What if sharing this time with another person gave you the boost and motivation you are looking for and fun while you exercise together? Here are some tips to getting started with exercising together as a couple.


  1. Choose an activity you both enjoy. Choose a basic activity you both feel competent doing to maximize the effect and your success in maintain the habit. Working out together and sharing physical activity can increase the efficiency of the activity for both partners. It’s the simple presence of someone we feel close to that boosts our energy output. It is a “win-win” for both partners.
  2. Maximize your progress by setting mutual goals. Caring about your partner’s fitness goals in addition to your own can improve your level of physical engagement in shared activities. Build success by agreeing to each maintain a basic level of your own internal motivation to benefit the most from sharing your fitness goals and experiences with each other.
  3. Set time aside for your activities. Replace date night dinner and a movie with dinner and a walk in the park. Walking together in the park creates a coordinated action which promotes emotional bonding. Matching each other’s rhythm and pace can help you feel more in tune with each other.
  4. Benefit from both low and high-intensity workouts. Keep it relaxed with a leisurely walk or get sweaty together enjoy the benefits of increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and shortness of breath associated with both physical arousal and romantic attraction! Grab those bikes and hit the trail to fall in love with exercise and each other!
  5. Start small and reward yourself. If shared exercise is not already a part of your daily life together, add a short walk a couple times a week to begin. Use the time to support each other emotionally through positive conversation. You’re looking to build the benefits of joint participation in physical activity. Set small rewards for yourselves when you meet reasonable goals such as maintaining your shared exercise for one week, two weeks, a month. And have fun giving yourself and each other the gift of togetherness through exercise!

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  • Home
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    • Hannah Haedike, PLPC
    • Samantha Gorham, PLPC
    • Bettina Comstock, PLPC
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